Amidst the adorable coos and tiny giggles of a newborn, there are moments that every parent knows all too well: the piercing cries of a fussy baby.
Fear not, weary parents, you are not alone in this journey. Let’s explore some different tips, tricks, and gentle techniques designed to calm your fussy baby and bring peace and serenity back into your home.
Life outside the womb is an adjustment for newborns. Understanding the differences can help us understand their development and how their needs change.
Inside the womb, they had the amniotic fluid and uterine walls offering a sense of security. They had the umbilical cord giving them a constant supply of nourishment. They had a stable temperature, heart rate, and other bodily functions in this regulated environment. They heard consistent muffled sounds of the mother’s heartbeat, blood flow, and environment.
Life outside the womb exposes them to new sensory experiences, feeling hunger and learning to feed independently, regulating their own temperature, and establishing sleep patterns.
Figuring this all out can be overwhelming to them, and to new parents. It leads to some of those fussy moments.
What are some calming techniques?
1. Swaddle
2. Side/Stomach Position
3. Sucking
4. Shushing
5. Swing/Sway/Bounce
6. Bum Pat
7. Eyebrow/Forehead/Cheek Stroke
Let’s dive into each of these a little deeper.
SWADDLE
Babies are born with the Moro reflex, also known as the “startle” reflex. You will see their arms and legs jerk and flail as it feels like they are falling. They are unable to control the movement of their arms and legs, which sometimes causes them to hit their own face, which can make them upset.
Swaddling helps to comfort baby by keeping their arms and legs more still, allowing them to calm down, and feel safe. It also mimics the familiar, tight feeling of being in the womb.
Babies sleep better when swaddled, as it limits the jerky movements that often wake them up.
If you think your baby hates being swaddled, try doing a tighter swaddle and giving them a second to calm down. Loose swaddles that are not snug enough sometimes just irritate them.
Safe swaddling looks like:
Checking their temperature and not putting them a swaddle that will be too warm.
Keep swaddle at shoulder level or lower. Face and neck should not be covered.
Keep it snug around arms, and looser around hips/legs, to avoid risks of hip dysplasia. Baby should be able to naturally put legs into a frog position, and not just straight.
Always put swaddled baby on their back. Do not place a swaddled baby on their tummy.
SIDE/STOMACH POSITION
Note: We are not putting baby on side or stomach to sleep, just when we are holding them to help calm them down.
Baby is born with the Moro (startle) reflex, which means that when they are on their back, they fling their arms and legs out as if they are being dropped. Putting them on their side or stomach can, in a sense, “turn off” this reflex, and help them calm down.
Hold your baby on their side or stomach, snug against you, or even up at your shoulder.
Laying them on their LEFT side also helps with digestion, which may help them feel better if they are more sensitive to what they are eating.
SUCKING
The sucking reflex starts early on in a pregnancy, often during the first trimester. Baby can sometimes be seen on an ultrasound sucking on their fingers.
Sucking on a pacifier, fingers, thumb, bottle or breast helps to soothe baby. Non-nutritive sucking, meaning sucking when not eating, has many benefits. It is a calming mechanism that lowers baby’s heart rate, blood pressure, and stress levels. It provides a very “organizing” feeling for baby, helping them feel safe.
When offering a pacifier while baby is fussy, you may need to gently hold it in place while they calm enough to realize it is there and start sucking on it.
A tip to help baby get a stronger suck and keep the pacifier in better: during the day while baby is calmly sucking on the pacifier, gently tug on it like you are taking it out, and they will often start sucking harder on it to keep it in. Try doing this 10-20 times a day.
SHUSHING
The womb is actually a fairly loud place for baby, with a constant “whooshing” sound of blood flow in the uterus, and sound of mama’s heart beating. The sound level in the womb is 70-90 dB. About the sound of a vacuum cleaner, or hair dryer, or dishwasher, or shower. Louder than you may have thought.
This is different than life outside the womb. Just as there can be too much stimulation for baby that makes them cry, the silence can also be too little stimulation for baby. They aren’t used to that, and may cry because of that.
Newborns don’t yet need silence to sleep.
Shushing in baby’s ear can be a calming sound for them, as it mimics the sound they got used to in the womb. It’s comforting for them.
Get 2-4 inches away from their ear, make a “shh shh shh” sound. Start louder so they can hear you over their cries. Match their volume level, then as they calm down, lower your volume as well.
If you get desperate, turn on a blow dryer, washing machine, run some water, or use white noise with a consistent sound. You don’t want sound with variability. (ex. An ocean sound with crashing waves, is too variable for them).
SWING/SWAY/BOUNCE
Baby is used to bopping around a lot in the womb. As mama goes up and down the stairs, takes a walk…any and all movement throughout the day keeps baby moving around in there.
Rocking is good for keeping babies calm when they are already calm, but when they are upset, they need small, quicker movements. Another way to mimic life inside the womb that was their safe place for so long!
Support baby’s head and neck and bounce as you sway back and forth. Only sway a few inches back and forth. They like the fast, small movements.
If you have the skill, you can also bounce on a yoga ball, if you prefer that to standing and holding them.
Just like with the “shushing”, we want to match their level. The more they are crying, the faster and more vigorous you go. As they calm, you can become more slow and steady.
For those thinking “shaken baby syndrome”, here’s the difference:
With the swinging/swaying/bouncing, the jiggle to baby’s head and neck are slight. Baby’s head is staying in line with their body. Shaken baby syndrome occurs when there is severe whiplash of the head going in one direction while the body goes in another direction.
BUM PAT
The bum pat is thought to be calming because it mimics mama’s heartbeat. As baby is often head down at the end of pregnancy, their bum is closest to mama’s heartbeat, therefore, the patting of the back or bum is comforting to them, because again, we are helping them feel safe and comfortable like they were in the womb.
This can also be used as a tool for laying baby down, transferring from a car seat to bed, or as a way to comfort them without picking them up. As you are laying baby down, you can lay them on their side, with one hand holding them in place, so they don’t roll onto their tummy, and use the other hand to pat their bum. Once they are calm or asleep, gently roll them onto their back.
If they are already in bed and need some help resettling, gently roll baby to their side, pat their bum, and then roll them to their back when ready.
However, I have met a handful of babies who do not like the bum pat. If it makes the fussing worse, don’t worry about doing it.
EYEBROW/FOREHEAD/CHEEK STROKE
Note: Some babies will NOT like their face being touched. Especially babies who may have spent time in the NICU, had oxygen tubes or feeding tubes, or anything else taped to their face.
Stroking the head, eyebrows, cheeks, or even just your hand on their cheek, seems to be a magical soothing technique.
When calming a fussy baby, gently placing your hand on their cheek, like you are giving their little head a hug with your hand, can give comfort to help them settle.
Or, gently rub their cheek with the back of your fingers.
You can use your fingers to gently stroke from the top of their forehead down to the tip of their nose. You are barely using any pressure from your fingers. As you pass over their eyes, it causes them to close their eyes and helps them drift off to sleep.
In infant massage, we teach to use your fingers or thumbs to trace their eye brows, which also helps those sleepy eyelids to close.
There is also a stroke we use where you use your fingers, starting right in front of baby’s ears, trace the hairline up around the ear, behind the ear, and continue it down under the jaw line, to the chin.
YOU GOT THIS!!
Remember, every baby is different, so it may take some trial and error to figure out what works best for calming your little one. If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to ask for help from your partner, family members, or friends.
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